Tired of writing
I tried to do poetry tonight. I guess I ran out of brain juice early or I just lack the patience to continue writing. So I decided to just write. I don’t really care if I make sense. I just want to write. From time to time I leave the blog screen to check out Facebook, but nothing there catches my attention. Nothing there interests me. I feel like a wet matchstick. No amount of striking would cause my brain to be ‘on fire’. I don’t even know what to write here. I just want to type away. For some unknown reason, I think I lost the mojo when it comes to coming up of topics. But then again, whoever said that I have mojo in writing in the first place?
Tired of playing
I lost the zeal to pick up my guitar too. I think it has been months that I haven’t touched my guitar. The last time I played, I think was in a funeral service a few months back. Talk about symbols. It just died. Yeah I still listen to John Mayer Trio from time to time but even that can’t inspire me to pick up my guitar. She (my guitar) just sits in the corner. My guitar-stand kind of acted like a make-shift helmet rack. I went to some of my friends’ gigs. I went to Alphonse, SaGuijo and watched many videos on YouTube. Nothing… Nothing inspires me to play.
Tired of waiting
It’s like a carousel trip. Monday then Tuesday, then Wednesday, then Thursday, Then Friday, Then weekends. Before you even enjoy your weekend, it’s Monday again. Round and round it goes. Nothing new happens. I think I’m going insane. I’m doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Good thing there’s my bike; but even riding my bike on the same old route gets boring. I don’t even know what I’m waiting for. I just know somehow, something’s missing.. and I don’t know how to fix it.. (See I even play John Mayer’s songs in my head but.. nevermind..)
Tired of hoping
I went up to the Summer Capital of the Philippines last February to see if there is even a slight possibility of finding ‘one’. As it turns out. I found ‘none’. On the onset, I was hopeful. I know I was doing the right thing. I know I did. Even then, I found that doing the right thing doesn’t mean your going to get the right results. I made
some lots of terrible boo-boos. It made me lose my cool at times. Oh well…
Tired of lifting
All this talk about getting tired, wears me down. It’s baggage I don’t have to carry. So… I think I’m just going to forget about it. Throw it away. If I don’t find a woman who will be a suitable helper for me, then so be it. If I never go full-time in ministry, so be it. If I don’t make music any longer so be it. If I don’t write again.. then.. nevermind… I just finished another article.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Abba, I’m tired of this rut. Get me out of this; but if You will that I stay in here, change my heart or at least give me a new perspective. Allow me to see things in a different light. Allow me to see things like how You see them. Thanks Dad. Goodnight.. Oh I forgot.. You never sleep anyway.