I Guess I’m Tired

Tired of writing

I tried to do poetry tonight. I guess I ran out of brain juice early or I just lack the patience to continue writing. So I decided to just write. I don’t really care if I make sense. I just want to write. From time to time I leave the blog screen to check out Facebook, but nothing there catches my attention. Nothing there interests me. I feel like a wet matchstick. No amount of striking would cause my brain to be ‘on fire’. I don’t even know what to write here. I just want to type away. For some unknown reason, I think I lost the mojo when it comes to coming up of topics. But then again, whoever said that I have mojo in writing in the first place?

Tired of playing

I lost the zeal to pick up my guitar too. I think it has been months that I haven’t touched my guitar. The last time I played, I think was in a funeral service a few months back. Talk about symbols. It just died. Yeah I still listen to John Mayer Trio from time to time but even that can’t inspire me to pick up my guitar. She (my guitar) just sits in the corner. My guitar-stand kind of acted like a make-shift helmet rack. I went to some of my friends’ gigs. I went to Alphonse, SaGuijo and watched many videos on YouTube. Nothing… Nothing inspires me to play.

Tired of waiting

It’s like a carousel trip. Monday then Tuesday, then Wednesday, then Thursday, Then Friday, Then weekends. Before you even enjoy your weekend, it’s Monday again. Round and round it goes. Nothing new happens. I think I’m going insane. I’m doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Good thing there’s my bike; but even riding my bike on the same old route gets boring. I don’t even know what I’m waiting for. I just know somehow, something’s missing.. and I don’t know how to fix it.. (See I even play John Mayer’s songs in my head but.. nevermind..)

Tired of hoping

I went up to the Summer Capital of the Philippines last February to see if there is even a slight possibility of finding ‘one’. As it turns out. I found ‘none’. On the onset, I was hopeful. I know I was doing the right thing. I know I did. Even then, I found that doing the right thing doesn’t mean your going to get the right results. I made some lots of terrible boo-boos. It made me lose my cool at times. Oh well…

Tired of lifting

All this talk about getting tired, wears me down. It’s baggage I don’t have to carry. So… I think I’m just going to forget about it. Throw it away. If I don’t find a woman who will be a suitable helper for me, then so be it. If I never go full-time in ministry, so be it. If I don’t make music any longer so be it. If I don’t write again.. then.. nevermind… I just finished another article.

~~~


Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

~~~

Abba, I’m tired of this rut. Get me out of this; but if You will that I stay in here, change my heart or at least give me a new perspective. Allow me to see things in a different light. Allow me to see things like how You see them. Thanks Dad. Goodnight.. Oh I forgot.. You never sleep anyway.

Until Inspiration Comes

So, it is now past the middle of the month of July and I can only come up with one post. This is bad. Just bad. Why? Well, I had a busy schedule. This week though, I declined activities that need me to give up my “ME” time. I know. It sounds kind of selfish, but it is the only way I could keep the balance in my schedule. I’d die of exhaustion (literally) if I keep this up. Besides, I don’t want to wait skip a month not writing even a single article.

Building Blocks for Writing Off Writers’ Blocks

If you’re a writer, you probably have experienced what I am experiencing now. Staring at a blank screen, with the cursor blinking? Maybe a notebook while endlessly playing spin-the-pen, thinking of things that might be note-worthy. You see, I’ve already set a goal for my self. I should write at least three articles per month for this blog alone. I’m hoping that by the end of this, I’d be able to come up with an article that’s cohesive, entertaining and creative.

Why haven’t I thought of that?!?!

I read a lot. There was a time when reading was just a painful chore for me to do. But now I enjoy reading. A lot of times, I come across writers who really write well. A voice whispers to my mind while reading books or articles, and it says “That was a good idea! Why was I not able to think that and write about it?” That was me, talking to myself. You see, these brilliant writers are able to take me from my desk to a journey. They are able to trigger my imagination and take me with them as their stories unfold. Very few people have that kind of talent.

I enjoy writing stuff about everything. Now that I am venturing out to write about fiction, sometimes I wish I was a better writer. I wish I have better vocabulary. I wish I have eloquent ways to express things. I wish I’m talented enough to spawn a movie inside one’s head. I wish I was like J.R.R Tolkien or C.S. Lewis or . But come to think about it, I’m glad that I am not them. I’m glad I am, well… me!

No matter how I try to emulate these authors; no matter how I try to imitate how they write or try to think how they think, at best, I can only be a shadow. It’s like Kobe Bryant being “the next Michael Jordan” (no offense to the Lebron James fans, but his loyalty to the Cavs was just abysmal, I’m just saying… Anyway, back to what I was saying) or Miley Cyrus being “the next Britney Spears”. (Pardon the name dropping but I hope you get what I’m saying.)

Let this be a friendly reminder to, not just writers, but all of us. Yes, it is great that we have people that we look up to, but at the end of the day, we have to keep our identity. Although we have things in common, the things that set us apart make us who we are. Just imagine the difficulty of identifying people if we all have the same faces. What I am saying is that we are uniquely designed. So if sometimes you think like “Why haven’t I thought of that?!?!” Don’t think for a moment that you are inferior; it just means God designed you differently.

Now I ask. “What are you thinking?”

~~~

Psalm 139:13-15
New International Version (NIV)

¹³For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Chronicles Of A New Journey

People love wedding singers. They love them so much, that they even made a movie about it. I sing like them wedding singers. Although I do sing at weddings, there’s also one “stint” I do far more often than that. I sing at funerals. I know it is not the most sought after career if one can sing. Also, I am not urging people in the industry to make a movie about it. But I kid you not; it’s a great feeling when you know that God is using you to comfort His people. That’s why when the church invited me to play and sing at a funeral event, I didn’t hesitate to say: “Yes!”

I am “teamed up” with a pastor who goes to funeral services. Pastor Patrick and I have done a few of these services already. If you were to ask “How it’s been?” I would say “I’m getting a hang of it actually.” The service went by in a quick breeze. Following this was some light chit-chat, and light snacks. It has always been my habit to stay at one corner while waiting for the pastors and lay leaders to finish talking with the family and relatives. Today was kind of different. The family requested that we stay a bit longer. They didn’t want us to leave without eating. Well, we didn’t have any appointments scheduled that time so we obliged. While waiting for food, Pastor and I stayed in one corner. My opening salvo was about my calling. We talked about God’s call, plans, will, and moves. He also talked about God’s say on having relationships. He even shared candid moments in his life where God would literally challenge him to jump into deep waters with two feet. Our talk became a mentoring session.

While he was sharing these things, I can’t help but flash back to the scenes God has put me through and brought me through. Although his experience was way different from that of mine, there are similarities that I found. This was an epiphany moment for me. As he kept on talking about his own experiences and how it relates to the stories of Moses, Samuel, Habakkuk, and Jesus when He called His disciples; my mind is had no choice but to see that God is consistent with dealing with His people. Indeed God is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Now I understand that there are some points in here where you can’t relate; or there are too many things I am trying to point out with one post. That’s fine. One other thing that I have learned from this mentoring session with Pastor Patrick was that I have to chronicle everyday of my life. I have to consciously number my days aright. Whether it is a question that I have for God, or something that God said, or even words that I still have to test if it was from God indeed; I have to write it down. Sooner or later I would be able to know how God is moving. After all, how are we even going to know about Him if the prophets from way back didn’t write down their experiences with God, right?

All these talk about wedding singers, funerals, mentoring sessions and God’s calling may not make sense to some, but this is my way of chronicling the things that which are significant for me. So, that said, pardon me if you are reading this and it does not make a lot of sense. With that in mind, this blog will yet again be reformed. Along with articles like this, I will also put in bible quotes, journal entries, and things I consider important. I will add a new class called “Chronicles” I hope that with these coming changes, you still find time to read along this new journey that I am about to take.